In The Woods

In the woods
Zombies in the trees
Wild hogs eat the zombies
Hoss and Little Joe run
The zombies are on their trail
The six gun is empty
Hop-Sing jumps out with a Bowie knife
You damn zombies leave the Ponderosa alone.

Bonanza Style

Hoss and Little Joe
Preaching women yell
Wild gang of men
Strange town is it not
The saloon has a weird smell
The bartender is shook
There is a wild cat on the loose
A runaway wagon
A massive train
And a crazy well digger.

Hoss and Hamburgers

Hamburger
Oh Hamburger
My heart cries for you
Oh Hamburger
One onion, mustard and bacon
A little slice of cheese sometime
How did Hoss eat without
Hamburgers on the menu.

Analysis of Hoss Eating

Hoss eats,
Throwing food in his mouth with a fork,
Food like mashed potatoes and gravy
He eats like a hungry dog
Hop-Sing is upset at the amount he eats.
It is amazing
The kitchen is running out of food.
Little Joe laughs.

Hoss Loses Hat

Hoss has lost his hat
Thirty gallons worth
It is wandering alone in the sand dunes
We have named it Bucket Hell
Ole Bucket Hell was made of beavers
It was a historic event
The casting of that hat
The liberty bells were rang.

Hop-Sing is a Madman

Hop-Sing is a mad cook
He just threw an egg at Hoss face
Little Joe is out with that gypsy woman again
He was shot yesterday five times
What the hell!
They done worked up a hate in Virginia City
Call for Judge Parker
Tell him to call the Doc
Let the Doc know he needs to send a telegraph
Out to Fort Stockton.

Virginia City

The Italians are out at the Ponderosa
Little Joe is staying with the gypsy woman
When is Ben Cartwright coming back
Call in Candy
Tell him I need a stemboat
We will drive it around Lake Tahoe
Look we could see an Elvis Presley show
Hoss get off your fat horse.